I know better than to assume I know God’s plan for my life, however I have many reasons why it is likely I will never remarry. And let me start by saying I am 100% ok with that. Some people do remarry and I’m cheering them on. But for me? Pretty sure it’s going to be a no thanks and here’s why.
My husband was amazing. I knew it at the time, but I know it even MORE now that he’s gone. He worked hard for himself, and for his family. It wasn’t just necessity that drove him, it was just IN him. He took his role as husband, father, and man seriously. He was a provider. Not just financially, but emotionally, spiritually and in every day practicalities.
In addition to being a hard worker, he honored me. Never once did he humiliate me publicly or privately. He didn’t make jokes at my expense unless he knew I’d laugh with him. Instead of berating me, he would brag about me when I wasn’t even around. Sure, we fought sometimes. Not even fight really, but typical aggravations when you share life with someone that requires extra grace (me!). But mostly, I felt respected, supported and always loved.
I know more women than I can count who do not have this in their lives. They’ve shared with me their hearts and mine breaks for them.
My husband never got drunk, never stayed out late, and never flirted seriously with other women. I always felt I was his priority and his gift.
When I was sick, he cared for me. When I was sad, he made me smile. When I felt hopeless, he encouraged me. When I felt overwhelmed, he helped out more. When my faith was shaky, he took the lead and prayed with me.
He wasn’t perfect, no one is. He had a short fuse sometimes, but it was never an anger that made me fear. It was never really directed AT me. I tell you this so you know he was actually a real live human with shortcomings just like the rest of us. I mean, he didn’t always put the kids to bed or handle their baths or clean off the table, but my point is, he always tried. And when necessary, he tried even harder.
If I wanted to be a stay at home mom, he supported that. If I wanted to go to work full time, he supported that. He was my biggest fan and my strongest advocate. He didn’t order me around. He didn’t ever make me feel less than. We were partners. We worked hard on things TOGETHER, too. We were a team.
He didn’t hide things from me. He didn’t yell at me, or make me feel ashamed of who I was. He never threatened me, harassed me or intimidated me. Not ever! He loved me.He loved others, too. If someone needed a hand, a favor, or even if he thought a task would help a person out, he did it. And usually, he did it joyfully. He didn’t just help one, but he helped everyone. He didn’t wait around hoping someone else would volunteer. HE volunteered. I loved that about him! He was a good, good man!
I mean, have you EVER seen a picture of me SMILING with a snow blower?! He was one of a kind, that guy.
He usually saw the best in people, too. It was usually natural for him to do so. That’s not always (ok, usually) true for me. I am cautious about people. Actually I’m protective of my heart is what it is. Not him. He was accepting. He wore his heart on his sleeve. He was so good for me in that way.
I didn’t always understand that not all marriages are like that. I’ve observed it much more since he’s been gone. Marriage is hard work, and certainly it goes through phases of extreme challenge, mine was no exception. I don’t mean to paint a picture of all roses and rainbows, but for the most part, it was really good.
I know there are men in this world who are good, but I’m just not going to go through the effort of all the ones that need to be thrown back before finding (another) good catch. Nope. I was so blessed to have such a wonderful husband, father, friend and life partner. He set a VERY high bar. This is why it’s very probable I will never remarry. I’m totally, confidently, 100% ok with that!
Plus, I’ve switched to full-cut cotton briefs since becoming a widow and there’s no turning back from that one.
Extra Grace,
Jodi
I agree 💯!!!! It’s only been about 2 1/2 years but I’ve known since day 1 I’d never remarry or even date again. It also makes me feel like I’m cheating if I even thought about it.
Jodi, you described my Tony and our relationship to a “T”! We are blessed ladies!❤️
You are such an adorable person… you brought a smile to my face with the briefs comment. Thank you!!!
Love you friend. He really was a good one!
P. S. Cotton briefs rule!
That was my life for 47 years. Now, I am lost; with no sense of purpose. Sad, empty. I know I could never find another man like him. Furthermore, I am not looking for a “replacement”. But it is so sad to think that my last years will be without
him. We never thought of this. We thought we will always be together, and I have missed him every day for 499 days.
Right there with you, Jodi!
Don’t need another husband, or any other men, JUST big girl panties!!!
Thank you for your blessings through your blog.
Sounds like you’ve got your grown up panties all figured out. I loved your blog post, and I feel the same for the exact opposite reasons. I won’t go into them, suffice to say that I have been married twice, both times to men who were verbally and emotionally abusive. I divorced the first one and stayed single for seven years. Second time around — same issues. I have no desire to go through that again. Sometimes it makes me sad to think that I won’t ever experience the kind of love and caring that you and others were blessed with — but not sad enough to take a chance. I don’t post much here or in the FB group because I don’t grieve in the same way. I grieve what could have been but wasn’t, but at least I’ve finally been able to let go of the anger that I felt the first two years. My life hasn’t changed much — my adult daughter with disabilities lives with me, so I am busy and I have no interest in even thinking about another relationship.
I just enjoy reading your blog, Jodie!
You’re a strong woman. Your comment on the cotton briefs cracked me up! Only way to go!
Hahaha, about the cotton briefs. I herd that!!
Enjoy reading your letters. I feel like you, my husband died fall of 2016, 42 years. People keep asking me if I am dating, No. Why, should I be? Just Not interested.
Now I know what you mean when you talk of “put my big girl panties on”. Understand your point but I’ve learned never to say “I’ll never”. Love your recall of such blessings you and Mark had in your days together.💖
this is beautiful. thank you for sharing. i wish i could know that my husband hears me thanking him for all that he did for me…and all he was for me. of course, i cursed a lot after he died, too. i hope he understood why. frustration, fear, anger, extreme sadness, “WTF” emotions….but he was a damn good man….and big shoes to fill for whoever might fight to be my next ‘forever’….
Girl,
Coming from a 60 year old gal, I find you insightful and wise beyond your broken heart (and years). I’ve been reading your blog for awhile now and anxiously await a new one every time.
I’m sorry my laughs, tears, eyerolls, and yes, entertainment comes at your expense, but your tales and stories are not to be matched. I love your honesty and truth! Guess I’m trying to say hang in there, wish I could give you a hug. Just know you’re doing a bang up job!
You’re so inspiring. Thank you for your beautiful posts – I truly agree. I’ve been a widow for four years and cannot see myself involved in a tejationship again. I miss him too much. Take care and keep writing. You are great!
Ahhh…all the little things I have changed since my husband died, underwear included. 🙂 LOL! I get ya! I will admit that at 51 I hope that God will bring another wonderful man into my life but I am not going to be actively looking. I had a husband who loved me truly for me, good, bad and otherwise. But it was not a perfect union, not always the best partnership…I would love to experience a Godly partnership/marriage. But I am content as things are ~ I am focusing my energy on drawing close to God, strengthening my faith and walking out where I am in this life. I have also learned never say never…you don’t know what surprises God may have in store for you. 🙂
Hi Jody, I also understand where you’re coming from. I had a wonderful marriage too. I loved him for 27 years and continue to love him. I’m not looking for any sort of replacement for my husband. But I have realised that I’ve been underestimating what God can do. If He can bless me once with a wonderful man who was so good for me over 27 years, then why can’t He do the same again now (or later)? The book of Ruth tells me that God is able to give more than we expect or can even hope for. I’m not looking for a replacement for my Ben, but once the kids have left home I’d be open to having someone special in my life, and I’m trusting God that he’ll bring the right person into my life at the right time. And if it’s better for me to remain solo, then I’ll trust he will still bring good friendships into my life. God has decided that my first marriage is over, so I’ve taken off my wedding ring. I’m slowly learning after two years to trust Him with my “now”, and since only He knows what’s ahead, I’m trusting Him with that too. I don’t think we should ever close the door on hope, or on the plans God had for us. 💕
Jodi, you are a woman of carefully chosen words. I am not. But if I were, this could have been written about my husband, and our relationship. I am always careful of WHERE I choose to read your posts, because I don’t want to cry in public, but this one put into words nearly EVERY SINGLE CHARACTERISTIC of my husband that I miss…and my own thought that I, too, will probably never marry again. The only thing I’d add about my husband was he had an amazing ability to hold his love and honor for his mother in one hand, and see how very difficult a woman she is in the other, and live with both of those, while being honest with her, and loving her. He was a gem. Thanks for sharing about your husband. Blessings on you!
Thank you for your post. You and your husband truly had a wonderful relationship. I lost my husband five years ago and it seems like just yesterday. I do not plan on re-marrying as no
one can replace what I had. I feel friendships are more important and just having someone to talk to. Loved your “cotton briefs” comment. God Bless you and your family.
I’m with you too. Just past 15 years without my husband and he was one of a kind. Don’t think I wanna waste my time looking for a second best. Just trying to enjoy my kids as they are becoming adults and my friends and pray they are with me at the end. Thanks for sharing. 💜
I just love your writing Jodi! The “cotton briefs” comment made me laugh out loud!
Jodi…..it’s as if this post could have been written by me (except I couldn’t express it as eloquently as you did) about my husband. I lost my husband one year ago on February 16th and it still feels surreal. All the qualities you wrote about your husband, my husband also possessed. He was a very special man and I can’t imagine ever finding another who could fill his shoes. Thanks for sharing and for always, somehow, knowing what we are feeling and what we need to hear.