Lack of motivation, inability to focus, isolation, loneliness, uncertainty, fear, sadness, testing of faith, poor sleep and more – if this feels familiar, you’re right! It’s grief…again.
In some ways, I feel conditioned for these things, which make it slightly easier. I’ve been practicing living life immersed in the things I just described for four years now. I’ve learned how to muddle through it. But on the other hand, all of these things are bringing grief back to the surface and it does not feel good.
Other people, the ones who haven’t experienced great loss, are now feeling disappointment over all that should have been. Their experiencing the anxiety of change, the fear of the unknowns and the sadness of feeling separated from their normal way of life. These are things we have already been through, as people who have grieved before. I hope my reaction to them is not callous or bitter. I’m trying to be understanding and compassionate instead, but I’m human and sometimes it’s hard.
I can’t believe I am living through a global pandemic without my husband by my side. I often wonder what he would have to say about it. As a scientist who last worked in pathology, I’m sure he would have more to say than I’d be interested in listening to. He was so smart though and I miss learning from him. Mostly I miss the reassurance and comfort he would’ve provided to our family in a time like this. I’m also glad he’s not here for it. Especially when he was sick, this would’ve been a nightmare for him. I’m grateful he is spared from it.
And yet, here we are, socially distancing, holed up safe at home without him. What I wouldn’t give for a hug from him, not to mention some help with this homeschooling! Our teachers are doing such a great job, but there’s a lot of follow through prodding going on here. The kids aren’t motivated. They miss their friends and their routines. They are grieving the things that were supposed to be also. Lolo was supposed to be in the Spring musical. Gman bravely decided to give track a try and only had two practices before school was cancelled. It’s hard for them too.
I’m imagining how hard this is for all of you, too. I worry about your safety. I wonder if you’ve lost your jobs or if you have someone to go out and get groceries for you. I think about the ways your grief may have been stirred as we all learn how to live with another new “normal.” I hope you’re still able to do church in a safe way. I pray you’re staying healthy and have the strength to get through being apart from your normal routines. I also pray you’re taking this seriously. I want you around. I want you safe, healthy and thriving.
This is yet another season we have in common. It’s not going to last forever. We are going to come out of this stronger. We are going to appreciate things we may have taken for granted. But like all things that make us stronger, they aren’t fun for a while. In fact, growing is painful. But as my Governor reminds us every day at 5 p.m., “We are going to get through this. We are going to get through this together.”
Most importantly, let’s not forget our God is with us through ALL OF IT.
“I am with you always.” – Matthew 28:20
He knows our fears, he understands our grief and he is our comfort when we realize the homemade bread isn’t going to cut it. (Just me?) He’s our hope – always, but for sure during times like this. Let’s lean on him. Let’s trust him when we can’t see a way out or when our anxieties and fears overwhelm us. We can count on him in times of uncertainty!!
And please, let’s give ourselves extra grace. If there ever was a time for grace, it’s now. I’m working on being better at giving it to others. I’m not doing very well at it currently. Just like those early days in grief, it’s a one-minute at a time drill. Breathe in, breathe out. Do the best you can. Keep God in the middle of your details. Seek him, take care of yourself and always remember you are NOT ALONE.
Please leave me a comment below to let me know how you’re doing during this time? I really want to hear from you. It would do my heart so good to hear from all of you. Even if you’ve never left a comment before, please do that today. Tell me how you’re staying healthy, how you’re coping with all of this, what you’re biggest challenges are, etc. I want to know how you’re doing!
If you need human interaction, I hope you’ll follow and like the Extra Grace Required Facebook page. Sometimes I just can’t bring myself to write during this time, so I go LIVE on Facebook just to chat with you. It helps me feel less alone too! I also humiliate myself for your entertainment. (See carpenter bee saga).
Thinking of all of you!!
Extra grace,
Jodi
Photo by Korhan Erdol from Pexels
