Feeling Kicked While You’re Down: Ten Important Reminders

Some may see you as being stuck in grief. They may judge you. They may express, either to you or (more often) to others that it’s time to move on.

1.God understands that you talk about it because it’s a way of not forgetting. God recognizes it brings joy to your heart to speak their name and He knows the tears that you still cry are actually part of the healing.

Some may see the clothes still hanging in the closet, the cluttered counters, piles of paperwork or the weeds in your garden as failures. They don’t know how just getting out of bed is all you can manage sometimes.

2. God knows you’re doing your best. He knows all the ways, both seen and unseen; you’ve been altered by loss. He sees your efforts to get through this life with love, grace and understanding. His love for you has not changed, even though other relationships have.

Some may be critical of your financial decisions. They may discuss the vacation you took, the job you didn’t take, or the house you did or didn’t sell.

3.It is not their life to live or their hurt to heal. This is between you and God. The decisions you make are hard. They are very hard. You are doing your best and making the choices that are right for you and your family.

Some may disappear, or speak unkind words about you at a time when you need them to sit with you and speak words of encouragement and offer genuine support instead.

4.Offer them grace. Begin the hard work of forgiveness. Understand that grace and forgiveness and setting healthy boundaries for your heart are all important. Loving one another as He commands us doesn’t have to mean willingly subjecting yourself to unkindness.

Some may peer into your life from the outside and think you’re not working hard enough, or for working too hard. They may critique you as lazy, irresponsible or attention seeking.

Some may see your smile, your positive attitude or your carrying on as a sign that your grief is over. Grief isn’t over, it has changed.

5.They either don’t know that one moment you’re fine and then out of nowhere you can barely breathe, or they don’t care. I know you’re trying so hard, but that grief still captures you. I want to remind you that you’re doing a great job. I want you to know that I’m cheering for you on those good days and wrapping my heart, my prayers and my arms around you on the days that weigh too much for one person to carry alone.

6.I want to remind you that God knows your heart. I want you to know there are people who recognize how hard you’re trying. I know how much you need love, support, friendship and encouragement. I know that criticism and judgment only exacerbate the many ways you already beat yourself up for not being somewhere different than where you are. I’m here to remind you that God meets you EXACTLY where you are. He loves you so much that he forgives your flaws. His grace covers it.

Some may not know how to adapt to the ways in which loss has changed you, or they may not want any part of the new you.

7.I know this is hurtful. I know you can’t help the ways grief has altered you. Maybe it’s changed your personality, maybe it’s changed your worldview or your politics, or maybe it’s changed your physical appearance or your circle of friends. However grief has transformed you, I want you to see the people who are still in your life who are willing and able to love you through it. They want to continue loving you, even if you’re different now. They give you grace and these are the keepers. There may even be brand new people brought into your life since your loss. If they build you up, speak kind words of comfort and encouragement, bring happiness to your heart – they are part of God’s grace for you. Thank Him for these new people!

Where some may see only your imperfections and weaknesses, God sees your efforts, your courage and your faith.

Some may not be willing or able to see your heart.

8.God does. He created you, He adores you, and He hears your prayers and your cries. He, the One who is our Comforter, He cares.

I don’t know where you are today on the grief road. I don’t know if today is a good day or a bad day. I don’t know if your loss is brand new or if some time has passed.

9.I want you to know you’re not alone. Wherever mile you’re on, you are not alone.

There will be people in your life that may inadvertently, or purposefully hurt you as you work to find your way forward after loss. I want you to know I understand that too.

10.But mostly, I want to remind you, that although people may often disappoint us, our God never will. I’m so glad we have Him, aren’t you?

Extra grace, extra forgiveness, extra prayers and EXTRA understanding and empathy for each and every one of you today and always,

Jodi