We are about a week away from our family vacation to the Black Hills of South Dakota. I’ve never been to South Dakota and I’m really looking forward to a good old-fashioned family road trip. No handheld video games, limited cell phone usage – just a whole lot of family time. We’ve rented a legit tiny house, just like on HGTV!
To prepare for our trip, I’ve watched three seasons of Tiny House Hunters and about 200 YouTube videos of other people’s vacations. This morning I was watching a few of those videos to make sure I haven’t missed anything crucial on my itinerary. Two of the videos I watched were posted by couples. As I was watching them hike, take turns driving, interacting with each other with a playful banter, I suddenly found myself crying.
Seriously, grief! You’re so annoying sometimes! Something as simple as prepping for a family vacation suddenly had me missing my husband so much. I wish he could go with us. Making new memories is so necessary, and yet it’s also a painful reminder of what’s missing.
It’s important that you know I don’t live every day in sadness. In fact, most days are pretty normal. I don’t even cry every day anymore. But I’m pretty sure I’ll never be over this. Although it’s true as more time passes, I find myself smiling over memories instead of crying over them, the grief is still there. I think it will always be there. I just become more practiced at carrying it. Sometimes the pain of loss torpedoes to the surface when you’re watching YouTube videos about bison and the Badlands. Other times, it’s quiet…but it’s still there.
Life moves on though, and so we continue to do our best to move with it. If we cry sometimes, so be it. It doesn’t mean we are failing at healing. It doesn’t mean we are stuck. It just means we lost someone we really, REALLY loved, and there’s just no easy way forward from that.
I’m looking forward to sharing pictures and stories from our vacation with you. I just packed the selfie stick so I could get pictures of all three of us together. (B can’t join us – so it’s just Gman, Lolo and I on this trip). The last time I used that selfie stick was on the Dumbo ride at Disney World. Apparently selfie sticks aren’t allowed at Disney so they stopped the ride and confiscated it while all the toddlers cried because the ride had stopped. Here’s hoping we have better luck with it this time around.
Extra Grace,
Jodi
Have fun on your vacation. It’s been a little over a year since my husband died. He was 61 and had been sick for 4 years. We had dreamed of so many special vacations and other things we would enjoy in our retirement years. Now, I am only sad when I think of doing any of those things without him.. I want to get away, but my sorrow would go with me.
Have fun on your vacation. It’s good you are making memories with your children.
It’s been a little over a year since my husband died. He was 61 and had been sick for 4 years. We had dreamed of so many special vacations and other things we would enjoy in our retirement years. Now, I am only sad when I think of doing any of those things without him.. I want to get away, but my sorrow would go with me. I don’t know how to move beyond that and vacation without him.
My husband has been gone a little over a year now and I grieve every day. I feel left out of a lot of couples lives now, as a friend told me would happen. Too bad for them! On Friday I had to euthanize my 14 year old cat, Ollie. Now I am grieving over again. He was mostly my husbands cat but we loved each other a lot too, especially the year with just the two of us in the house. NOW THE HOUSE IS EMPTY!
I lost my husband at the age of 35 and had a 12 year old. It is almost 28 years later. and my husband is still missed. My husband was very much into sports and my son turned out to be very athletic. Every football, basketball, baseball and cross country run my son was involved in gave me such pride but such sadness knowing how much his dad would have loved to have been there. I am now 63 and my son will soon be turning 40 and I often wonder what if……………….how would our life had been different than what mine is now. The things we looked forward too either don’t take place or when they do it is not in the way I had visioned. Life is goo and I love every minute of it but there are times even now that I shed a tear for what might have been.
Hi Jodi, I’m sure you will love my home state of South Dakota. Anyway, once you get in the Hills. It’s a long trip across without much to see but once you get in the Hills, it’s fantastic. Bear Country, Reptile Gardens, Pactola Lake, The Needles and of course our beautiful Mount Rushmore. And then there’s Deadwood….love that town. Spearfish Canyon, is just beautiful, but I know they just had a tornado go through there last week. On the way to Rapid City, you will drive by a town called New Underwood. That is where I spent my growing up years. I went to that school 1st through 12th grade and it’s where my boys went until we moved to Iowa. Our house (with my hair studio) was right across the highway 14/16 from the restaurant. Take exit 78 and browse through my little hometown. Shortly out of there, heading west about 5 miles is the farm and ranch I grew up on with my parents until I graduated from High School. So many memories of that home which has now been burnt down. (So sad). Enjoy your trip, The Badlands, Wall Drug and Mitchell’s Corn Palace are all worth stopping.
I totally agree with your description of grief. Most of the time its held at bay by day to day things, then suddenly it rears its ugly head at the most unexpected times. But we wipe our tears and carry on because that’s what we have to do. Life doesn’t stop so we can’t stop. I look forward to your pics and the funny stories that always come with family vacations. Be safe and have fun!
I thought I was doing so well after two years of widowhood. Then as I took the dog on her last walk before bed, I started crying. The moon was so full and beautiful. My husband always commented on full moons and would often ask me to go outside with him to admire it. I hope your vacation is great. It is so hard to go places without our loved one; we are always longing for them to enjoy it. We just have to do different things that are enjoyable to the kids (granddaughter, in my case) Blessings!
So funny. My husband has been gone 22 months and I agree with your post 100%. – as I sit in tears getting ready for our second 4th of July without him. At his favorite place, our cabin in northern New Mexico. Packing , shopping, getting the boat and kayaks and all our gear organized by myself for two of my kids and one son in law. Most of the time I’m fine, plugging along., occasionally jealous when I see happy couples doing things that we would be doing if he hadn’t passed away. But then, every once in a while, the weight of making all the decisions, all the plans, all the work without the one who made it all fun sneaks up on me and I lose it. Your post made me smile and reset my attitude. Just knowing I’m not the only one out there gives me some strange comfort. We’ll make it through – have already made it through a lot – and be stronger for it. Have a great trip! God Bless you!
I so hope you enjoy your family trip. God bless you and keep you safe.
You’ll have a great time & the kids will remember this! Be safe & have fun, Jodi!
Why no selfie sticks at Disney? Just curious!
I just stumbled across your blog while searching for the term, “widow.” While I am not an “official” widow, I sure feel like it. My boyfriend and I were on a wonderful cruise vacation with friends two months ago (almost 3). We were in Aruba, enjoying life, when he had a heart attack and died….right in front of me. He was 45 years old and a loved member of our community. Sean was a local police officer and the community mourned him with me. While many have moved on (including so called friends), I am still experiencing grief. We were together 6 years and were looking to purchase our first home this year, Tomorrow will be the first family cookout without him. I am rambling! Anyway, thank you for your blog and honesty. I will be reading….every.single.post! You are proof I can do this!!!!