Hello! Remember me? I know, I barely do as well. But here I am this morning, writing to you from my deck like I used to do. It feels good to be back doing something familiar. I guess I just got overwhelmed with all of the virtual learning, bread baking, news watching, pandemic surviving, online grocery ordering, mask wearing, hand washing, toilet paper sourcing, puzzle doing, Zoom meeting, Amazon shopping and Netflix binging.
I’m still overwhelmed by all of it, but I’ve noticed a change in myself over these last few months. It’s a good change for the most part, but it’s one that makes me wonder if I am still relatable to those with brand new grief. Oh, how I want to comfort those of you with fresh pain you don’t know how you’ll ever survive. When I was in that place too, I thought maybe sharing my emotions would help you feel less alone in all of it. I prayed it would bring you comfort and encouragement to hear someone confess what maybe you, too were feeling.
Although I remember well those first few years, I’m not there anymore. Not on the regular anyway. I’ve wrestled with sharing that. For one thing, I know just as soon as you declare a victory with grief, it pops out of nowhere to say “HA! Thought you were done with me, didn’t you? Bwahahahaha.” Grief is sort of mean like that. Secondly, I didn’t want to be so far removed from where you might be in your journey of trying to figure out how to live after loss that you might find me out of touch with how you feel, or worse, somehow callous to your pain. I guess what I’m saying is, I worried my healing process would not be hopeful to you, but instead might feel unattainable. I want you to know, I remember.
So I’ve taken a long break from writing. I’ve thought and prayed about what this blog looks like now and if it is still serving a purpose to any of you reading it. I asked myself if it’s still serving a purpose to me, too. One of you reached out to me (THANK YOU!) and reminded me that part of my blog’s “About” page reads, “Even though we may not have met before, I’ve been praying for you. I care about you and all the ways life has tried to make you feel alone, less than and defeated. We’re in this together.” I also said this, “Come along as I live out the next chapter in my messy but beautiful Extra Grace Required life.”
Both of those things are still true. I still care about you. I still want you to feel less alone. I still want to encourage you and I want to walk this road together. But I’m in a new chapter now. It might very well be a completely different chapter than the one you’re in. I hope that’s okay. I pray you will find some nugget of hope, encouragement, understanding or whatever it is you need somewhere in the account of where I am now.
And so, I will keep writing. I will continue to share the good, the bad and the ugly. As my kids get older, I don’t feel I can write about them as much. Such a shame, because 12 & 14 year olds provide EXCELLENT content!! But I need to respect their privacy. Now it is THEIR story to share should they choose.
I planned to share some life updates with you today, but I think I’ll wait until later this week since I’ve rambled on long enough today. I do hope you’ll stay with me. We were “in this together” before it became a pandemic catch phrase. I’m excited to share some life updates with you later this week. If you follow me on Facebook, you are probably already in the know on a couple of them, but I have more. I’ve missed you! Let’s catch up next week.
Extra grace?
Jodi
I am glad you are feeling more strength and are now looking back from whence you came on this painful journey (or at least, that’s what it sounds like: you have some distance from the initial stages of grief and have more reflection distance so to speak?). Please keep writing…. I love reading your blog! Wherever you are or whatever you’re feeling!
Welcome back dear Jodi.
My life has changed wildly, the pain is still excruciating but I am getting used to it. I am coping thanks in no small part to your wisdom and sharing.
Love to you and your family
Happy for you, Jodi! Please keep writing. All the best to you and your family. May God continue to bless you!
Yes, keep writing, Jodi. We are sharing this journey. You may be a little ahead of some of us, but it is the same journey. Praying that you and your family stay well.
Looking forward to your updates. Yes, keep on writing, sharing, praying. Thank you.
Welcome back. God has words for you to share from your heart and from ALL of your life’s experiences.
Thanks Jodi,
I always enjoy hearing from you! I am grateful for all your encouraging words to others as you move forward. I am sure that your blog brings comfort to many as you have gone before them. Keep up the excellent work. I wish health and safety for you and your family during these trying times.
On a bright note from my house, I finished Tanya’s flannel shirt, yeh! I started a new quilt called Quatrefoil from Missouri Star Quilt Company if you care to look at their u-tube video. I am working on block 5 of 20. I work when Lynn doesn’t need my help. I am working with a pink, gray, green layer cake (10 inch squares), florals, polka dots, ghingham check etc.
We are working cattle now. Got 20 heifers and 5 cows done yesterday. Hauled out three loads of heifers to pasture. We had water issues on Wednesday, not good as we have been having hot weather in the 90’s. We have to truck water from another hydrant as our cistern water wasn’t coming in, it comes in now but too slowly for these very thristy cows.
We have a high school graduation open house tomorrow at the Boy Scout Cabin.
Our Ford Escape got run into by a young kid and now is in for repair. I don’t think he reported it, never heard from his insurance, not sure if we will fix or have to find another vehicle. So frustrating. He damaged the back rear area and tire on the driver side it was not drivable. So we had to borrow a car from Tanya and Tucker still working on insurance etc.
Hope you have a great weekend with the kids. Take care, stay safe and healthy.
Love from ND,
Karen and Lynn 🙂 🙂
Yes, please keep writing. Your words are always a breath of fresh air to me no matter what you are sharing. God has given you a gift of encouragement. Keep spreading it!
Jodi, thank you for your honesty about where you are in this grief journey. I think you and I are close lengthwise in our journey as I hit the 4 year mark yesterday. I have pondered in recent months about whether I can contribute to this group. I am in a pretty good place with my life. I don’t cry most days, in fact hardly at all. I do think about him every day and still miss him so much which I guess means I have accepted and filled my life in other ways, church, grandkids, and whatever makes me happy. I prefer to say the rough edges of my grief have been smoothed down. Of course there are those “gotcha” moments that grab me when I least expect it. But you and I can relate to what new members are going through and we can reassure them that God’s grace and time does help us find purpose and even happiness and joy again. Jodi, you have been my role model and continue to be. Thank you for all you do.
I was just thinking about you the other day and realized I hadn’t heard anything from you for a while…. I’m almost at 4 years (July) and while I feel relatively happy most days, I too, have my moments of tears and sadness. June and early July are hard for me… my bday, my mom’s passing anniv, his bday and then his passing. My SIL told me sometimes it’s the anticipation of these events BEFORE they happen then the actual day comes and it’s kind of anti climactic. (she’s also a long time widow) But i defintiely think moving to a new city/house has helped me a ton as it probably has done for you too! Keep on writing girl!!
Maybe your kids could to a “guest piece” someday!
Glad you are surviving these crazymaking times. Looking forward to your posts, have started working at Walmart. It is a challenge. Having a rough time some days, but have a wonderful counselor who is helping me thru these rough times!!
Good to hear from you ! Yes please write again, and happy your grief is evolving. This is encouraging to hear.
Welcome back. It is always refreshing hearing from you, here South of the Border (Mexico City)
💜💜💜
I am at the 3-1/2 year mark from when I unexpectedly lost my sweetheart, and I saw your post from two different views today. Shortly after my loss, I joined an online grief group on facebook. It was there that I learned about the Grief Share support groups.. When I attended my first in person Grief Share class, it had been 2 months since my loss and the pain was raw.. I was looking for people who could understand to the pain I was feeling. It was a group of about 10 people, all in varying stages of loss. The person who had lost someone most recently had lost her husband 6 months earlier, and it was from cancer, and she knew he was not expected to live. She was still sad, but I listened as she said things were getting better, and she no longer had the pain she felt when he had first passed away. On the opposite side of the room was a woman who had lost her daughter several years earlier. She sat with an elderly couple who had lost their daughter 15 years earlier. All of them described their pain as though the loss had just happened. In that moment, I remember being horrified at the thought of feeling this excruciating pain for fifteen years, or even two years! The lady with the recent loss gave me hope that I would get better, and the other three people gave me a goal of where I did not want to be in even six months time. What made them different? I really don’t know. Maybe it was her faith. I know I would never have gotten through my grief without God and the Grief Share group as their videos are so relatable. They are still doing the courses, but on Zoom for the time being. I continued to actively participate in the grief groups on facebook because it offered support in between the Grief Share classes. There were people in those fb groups who never wanted to get over their grief. They felt in doing so that it somehow diminished their love for that person that they lost. People look at grief a lot of different ways. I am definitely doing better, but I will never forget that pain because I believe it is seared into our memories. I can relate to someone who has lost someone without needing to stew in the pain continuously. I guess what I am trying to say is this — Yes, you can still be relatable to those with new grief, even if you are no longer (thank God) in the same emotional place. I also think it’s nice that you still desire to help people new in their grief, even though you are doing better. There are many people who leave the online fb grief groups after they get better. I wish they would stay to give support to the new people, the same way they were supported when they first joined, because there are new people joining every day. Some people are takers and never think about helping the next person. However, some people feel that being around sad people just keeps them sad when they are trying to move on, so there is that side, too. My comments were all over the place. I hope some of it helps.
Hey Jodi,
I too missed your letters. Like an old friend. Glad to see you have moved on and in a new chapter of life. Called seasons. I feel I have too, but as you say there are those days. I have been spending my time Covid time getting to know my self and to have a closer relationship with My Lord, my strength, and my guide. I look forward to Hearing about your updates.
I look forward to your posts and newsletters. It has been just over three and a half years for me and I have our three-year-old son. I feel like we are in similar stages and I have always found that very helpful because I I’m not good at expressing how I’m handling this. You are absolutely right though that we are in a different place now then we were at the very beginning. The grief isn’t gone we have just grown and progressed through it. I think what you have already written and talked about though is still very useful and relatable for those in the early stages of grief and I am confident that what you say from here on out will still be useful and relatable in this next phase of our grief. I think the fellow widows might benefit from some sort of demarcation in your writings. Whether they be labeled volume one and now we are in volume 2 or stage 1 and now stage 2 or just from day one until year 3 and year three – present. Please don’t stop writing
Jodi,
so glad you are still writing!!! I’m currently taking a break from FB so I’ve missed any and all news that goes that direction. I almost hate to say this but like you feel I need to be honest… staying connected to you through your blog has keep me in touch with so many others. Those who have lost, those back home, those searching. I thank you also for your constant and steadfast belief in our beautiful savior, Jesus Christ. You Rock girl!!