Just Because It’s Good Doesn’t Mean It’s Easy

It’s been nine days since we moved into our new Kentucky home. It’s amazing how fast a place can feel like home. Except for the dining room (aka the box room), the house is really starting to come together. Although I still haven’t found my printer or the shower curtain, we are settling in nicely here. The kids seem mostly happy and excited, with only brief moments of sad and homesick. The dogs have adjusted nicely and are actually getting along for the first time in their lives. Life feels good. But just because it’s good doesn’t mean it’s easy.

There are new challenges and emotions that come with big changes. Packing up your life, relocating, living out of boxes and not knowing anyone yet feels stressful sometimes. Finding new doctors, navigating new roads (I am completely turned around here and turn the opposite way every single time!), finding my way through a new grocery store, getting a new driver’s license, license plates, registering to vote, switching my business from Iowa to Kentucky, finding a new church home…it’s a lot. I mean super overwhelming. Just because it’s good doesn’t mean it’s easy.

This move represents new beginnings for me. I’m excited and grateful for that, but didn’t anticipate the hard parts. I knew in my heart this was going to be a good move for us. I knew moving would be stressful and not without it’s challenges, but there are a few things that surprised me. Since I don’t really know anyone here yet (besides my brother and his family and a very small number of other people), no one here knows my history. That can feel like a beautiful, blank canvas waiting to be painted, and that’s exciting! But that also means no one knows I’m a widow. No one knows my kids have lost their Dad. Although that’s freeing in some ways, I realized yesterday that means no one here will have known my husband. They won’t know how amazing he was, they never witnessed the love we shared. They won’t have any idea what a fantastic father he was to his children. That made me really sad. Just because it’s good doesn’t mean it’s easy.

Even though it feels exciting to have a fresh start, it’s another difficult milestone in grief I guess. I’m creating my own identity here. Maybe here I’m not Jodi, that woman who lost her husband. I mean, that has shaped me and is part of who I am, for sure, but now I get to choose whether or not I tell people that part of our story or not. I’m sure it’ll come up though. It always comes up. “Did your husband transfer here for work?” “What does your husband do?” It’ll come up when I register the kids for school. I’ll fill out paperwork where I have to put N/A in the parent 2 contact info section. Sigh. I sometimes wonder if people will assume I’m divorced or maybe just have kids with an unknown father? I shouldn’t worry about what people might assume, but I think about it sometimes. As much as I don’t want to have a flashing sign on my forehead that says WIDOW!, it’s also who I am and explains a lot about us. Just because it’s good doesn’t mean it’s easy.

I do want to let you know how much we love our new home though. It’s been exciting setting up the house, choosing a new couch, hanging decorations on the wall and organizing a new space. It’s been fun exploring new places and learning more about the people and the culture here. For instance, you know how convenience stores often sell breakfast sandwiches? Well here they have fried bologna and cheese breakfast sandwiches. Mmmmkay? We will learn how things operate here and before we know it we will fit right in. (Except I’m never eating a bologna breakfast sandwich, sorry).

Change is exciting. It’s stressful and it’s emotional. Change can be good. It can be healing. Change can be just what’s required to move forward after loss. It’s on our timeline though and not a minute sooner. Change requires faith. Change can be a blessing, a new beginning! But just because it’s good, doesn’t mean it’s easy.

So thankful we have a God who is with us always. He’s with us when it’s good AND when it’s not easy.

Extra grace,

Jodi

* If you ordered a Summer Extra Grace Box, they are shipping out soon. (As soon as I find my printer!!!). Expect them before the end of July. New orders are on hold while I convert sales tax to reflect my Kentucky residency. If you need a box before I’ve corrected this, please contact me directly.

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* Pictures of the new house coming in the next post! Stay tuned!