I feel old today. I’m typing this in 18 pt font so I can see it and I “have it in the back” as my Grandpa would say. I think I slept wrong the other night, and then lifted something heavy. Bad idea. The something heavy was an ADORABLE antique hutch I’m going to repaint and put in Gman’s old bedroom soon to be my craft/Extra Grace Box room.
(isn’t it cute?!)
I have Extra Grace Box stuff ALL OVER MY HOUSE currently. It’ll be so nice to have it consolidated and organized in a space of my own.
Anyway, lifting and loading and moving that cute old gal has made it so every time I move wrong – YEEEOWWW! Ouch! I think it’s just muscular and nothing more serious than that, but dang. Old people stuff. I was actually considering ordering that tool they advertise that helps you put your socks on! Pathetic.
Normally I move throughout my day handling things pretty well on my own. I’d rather have help, but I can handle it. But when you “have it in the back,” you can’t accomplish squat. That makes a person stop and realize, there is no one to care for me. That’s a scary thought.
I don’t dwell on that often, mainly because I’m healthy 99% of the time. But a muscle spasm in your back and suddenly thoughts turn to real old age. Worry takes over and it’s all down hill from there.
Worry is such a bugger, isn’t it? It’s hard for me to balance planning and preparation versus worry.
Matthew 6:25-34 (NIV)
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendorwas dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
This has long been a verse I go to often, even before losing my husband. I was born a worrier. I come from a long line of anxious worriers. It’s something I fight against often. And yet, it’s such human nature to worry, isn’t it? We have a responsibility to prepare, and yet we are also supposed to not worry? When you’ve found the sane balance between these things, let me know. I suspect I’m not alone here. Of course I trust God, but if there’s a tornado warning, I’m pretty sure He wants me to use the brain He gave me and head to the basement or shelter for protection. Not worrying about tomorrow doesn’t mean I should go stand outside and have faith flying debris won’t hit me in the head, right?
This life is tricky. Faith is a choice, but it’s also tricky. How much free will and common sense and how much faith and you’re in control of all things, God?
Funny how all of these deep thoughts come from muscle spasms in a person’s back, isn’t it?
What about you? Do you struggle with worry? Is it worse since your loss? How do YOU balance common sense and free will WITH faith?
And finally, cast your vote for what colors I should paint my new hutch! Turquoise (exterior) and yellow (interior)? Grey (exterior) and yellow (interior)? Other?
Extra grace,
Jodi
Turquoise and yellow….bright and sparkling colors.
Hey Jodi, I totally agree with everything in this article. I, since the death of my husband, have gotten Multiple Sclerosis and I have absolutely no balance or strength. Worry is an understatement… I have 2 children, ages 13 and a 16 year old. Life is a beautiful struggle. What am I gonna do when they are ready to leave? Guess we’ll find out in a couple years. Ugh!
PS- gray outside with turquoise accents and yellow inside is my vote. 😀
You truly have a gift of verbalizing your feelings. So much of what you have said is what I feel/have felt over the course of the past year & a half since my husband went to be with Jesus. Thank you for sharing, even in the times you may feel like you would rather not.
As far as the hutch goes, gray outside, turquoise inside, yellow highlights.
God bless you as you continue your journey.
I vote turquois exterior and yellow interior for your hutch. PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
I vote for turquoise and yellow as I am a fan of bright, cheerful colors. 🙂 Yep, the balance between our doing and our faith can be tricky…but I think it is a matter of being prepared (God gave us a mind to use!) and giving it to God. I am trying to work on stepping back and letting go to God when I want to worry about something, reminding myself that my worry will not change anything. But sometimes…easier said than done.