I can feel it again. There’s something about saying goodbye to sunshine and warmer temps that makes me have to fight to stay positive, to be calm and not anxious and to not feel so overwhelmed. There’s a lot of work that happens in the Spring and Summer, but for some reason it’s easier to tackle it all when the sun is shining.
Now, the to-do list feels overwhelming. Mulching, flowerbed cleanup, servicing the mower and the snow blower, cleaning out the garage, and all the other tasks involved with prepping for the long winter feel like too much. These are all things I’m capable of doing. I’m thankful for the physical ability to do the things that need to be done, but still, it can be overwhelming.
I notice myself feeling most insecure and alone this time of year too. I don’t want to feel any of this, but I do. I start thinking about Thanksgiving, Christmas and another New Year. I love all of these things, but they still feel emptier than other times of the year. I think about the upcoming snow and ice and I want to cry. I pray we don’t get much of either again this year so I don’t have to shovel a lot or wrestle with the snow blower. All of it stresses me out.
I know this isn’t a very positive post and I’m sorry. But I want to be honest with what I’m feeling again. I also know many of you might be feeling the same shift in mood this time of year?
I know much of the struggle for me requires just pushing through it.
Yesterday I read a widow friend’s Facebook post about her struggle unhooking the garden hose before it freezes. I read about her tires needing air and how she stopped to fill them. Again, these are all things we can handle, but it’s hard handling it alone sometimes. On one hand it’s so difficult wrestling with all the things alone, but on the other side of the struggle is a proud acknowledgement of our strength and the satisfaction in our ability to persevere.
You all know my relationship with perseverance. I am thankful for it, but also hate it. I still want to stomp my foot like a mad toddler and just scream, “But I don’t WANT to persevere! It’s too hard!”
This leads me to an idea I’ve had for a while now. I want to find a way to connect widows and widowers so we can help one another with all the tasks that overwhelm us. It would be a network of people of different ages, abilities and talents on the ready to help one another out. I’m calling it the Widow Army. It’s like the Cajun Army, but less hurricaney. It would be made up of widows and widowers across the country.
In my mind’s eye, this network is available to any widow or widower in need of help with yard work, simple housework, figuring out paperwork, getting to and from appointments, etc. The only payment is a commitment to pay it forward within the network. Basically it’s being the church for one another. It’s rolling up our sleeves and using our abilities to help someone in need of a little teamwork.
I feel this would be a less awkward way of accepting help, too, which is never an easy thing to do. But help from an army of people who understand that you’ll one day pay it forward with your own time, gifts and talents? That makes it feel easier, doesn’t it?
Just because my idea isn’t developed yet doesn’t mean we can’t be a Widow Army now though. We don’t need an App or a website to get started. We can help carry each other NOW. We can start by reaching out to our widow and widower friends and offering our help. Swap tasks, or if nothing else, keep each other company while you muddle through the chore lists. Struggling together may still be struggle, but it’s certainly less overwhelming and less lonely.
I know I’ve had some wild ideas since my husband died. I’ve pursued some non-traditional jobs. Some may think I need to move on and quit chasing these lofty dreams. To them I say, this IS moving on. This is me trying to find my way. This is me trying to persevere. This is my road to travel. If I get lost or have to circle back and take a new path, so be it. There are lessons and emotional and spiritual growth for me along the way.
Take a look at this sweet video.
You, too may struggle on this journey. You may even cry, but you will make it. This doesn’t mean you’re on the wrong road. What I want you to remember is, you are not alone and you do have understanding support. Keep going. Persevere.
“It’s Okay. You’re strong. Do you want me to carry you?”
Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Extra grace,
Jodi
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I love the idea of the widow/widower army! What a great idea! I may try a post locally and see what happens
I love the idea of the widow/widower army! What a great idea! I may try a post locally and see what happens
Yes! This time of year… and being perfectly capable BUT I just don’t want to be capable sometimes. I am one who has a strong perseverance quotient too but my part this time of year is supposed to be making costumes and cocoa and muffins not cleaning gutters. I hate ladders. They make me hyperventilate.
Last winter was first winter and it was long, cold, dreary, and snowy. It didn’t help that first anniversary was in February. I thought at times I’d never make it, but perseverance and faith got me through. Just remembering though how low I felt at times frightens me as winter approaches. Like you I want to stomp my feet and crawl under a blanket till spring. Instead I’ll look for others who may be feeling the same way and we’ll help one another
It’s a great idea, I would like to help get this going!!
It is an awesome idea. I too am struggling with all the chores. I know I can do them but life is no fun alone but I must. Be strong. I feel like crying more often. Am angry at God .
Awesome idea!!
I know exactly how you feel. I think that would have Army is a great idea and would love to get involved!
I’ve been feeling rather down lately … more than usual, now I understand why that is
the snowy driveway is a bit of an issue, I was checking into heated driveways LOL I gave away the snowblower because I could never start it (to be honest, my husband couldn’t do it either except when it was brand new), hired someone to shovel it last year. I too have been unhooking hoses and other garden work. There doesn’t often seem to be enough hours in the day!
I love your idea of a widow/widower army. I’ve honestly been thinking about starting a similar group for single parents, not just widow/widowers. There are so many tasks that are overwhelming when you are alone. The church I grew up in had a group called “Nehemiah’s Gang” that went around the community helping those in need. We raked leaves, cleaned up landscaping, did minor home repairs and all sorts of other things. The name stems from the story in Nehemiah of the city of Jerusalem being burned to the ground and the people working together to rebuild it. I’ve been wanting to start something like that in West Des Moines for years. I’m not a widow but if you would like to partner together I’d love to do this with you.
Jodi, I feel like I could have written this. I’m feeling so much more alone this time of year. Mark died 9/28/16 and his birthday would have been 10/26/18, and he loved fall. For some reason I miss him more this time of year than ever!
Like you I’m capable of doing things like riding the mower, weed whipping, raking the leaves, and snow blowing….I just wish I didn’t have to do it. I so want him to still be here! But, he isn’t and life must go on-in whatever fashion we can make that happen. So, like you I’m going to hope for the best weather wise and resign myself to the fact that “I will get through” this season. Thanks for always being there for your followers! Love to you.
Wow! For a few weeks now I have said aloud. “There mus be more widows and widowers ht feel the same way I do, alone onthis journey with no one to reach out to. THEN, I read your post. I so want to enlist in this ARMY and learn to lean on others. I have come to realize how much we no each other. Please help me get involved Judi wiegman
One of my best friends husband had a calling to help single/widowed women with tasks such as this. It has grown so much. I’m not sure how it started… I know there’s a video (I’ll find it for you) talking about his calling. The women get a list together of things they need help with. Whoever wants to help volunteer just show up. I know he started it through our church. Such an awesome thing to do. ❤️
Yes! I’m nearing a year into this and I’ve thought of starting something like this locally or through my church. I think it’s a great idea. I was driving home today and observed how every season change has been difficult since Eric’s been gone. Thanks for sharing.
I too could have written this because I often want to throw a fit like a toddler when I think about things that my husband took care of.. While I am capable of doing at least some the of yard work, it isn’t my thing but my husband loved it. And like everyone else said it is overwhelming not having someone to split the work with. I do draw the line when it comes to cleaning the snow from the driveway and hire someone to do it. I am lucky there is an awesome tire shop that takes care of everything I need even if it is just checking the tire pressure (thank goodness my car has a message on the dash when the tires are low.)
I love your suggestion of an army. I have a hard time accepting help from others because I don’t want to take advantage of the nice people who offer but if there way a way to work together it might be easier. Sometimes we all just need help with little things that take 5 minutes and we hate to impose on neighbors.
I want to be a part of this! This is a fabulous idea Jodi!
There must be a reason why we’ve all been inducted into this widow group. I’d like to think we’ve all learned a lot since we lost our mates. Not just how to do things, but also how much we’re capable of doing on our own.
My husband, Lowell, lost his battle to cancer on 11/13/16. So it’s coming up on 2 years without him. I have a group of guys that I work with, that also knew my husband. I used to call them when I needed help doing things, now I call them to ask for advice on how to do things myself or what professional I should call for the big problems. But like everyone else, I really wish my husband was here so we could do these chores together like we used to.
We’ve all heard: “many hands make light work”. We can share the workload by helping each other, and teach some of us how to do things we’ve not had to do before. And most importantly, support each other and make some new friends along the way.
This is a great idea Jodi. I would definitely want to be a part of this. 7 years and there are so many things you need an extra hand doing.