There are no boys in my house this week. Gman is at his first sleepover camp with the Cub Scouts and Charlie has been at boarding/training camp all week. It’s definitely much quieter around here. Maggie, Lolo and I are holding down the fort. I had planned some girl time, but Lolo is almost a teenager (gulp) so that means she has more of a social life than I do.
Yesterday she was gone most of the day and evening with a friend, and Maggie was at the groomer. I was alone. It was glorious…for about an hour. Then it was just too quiet and I discovered I don’t like how that feels.
I know many of you have commented about being a widow with grown kids. I can’t imagine this quiet every day. I thought of you as I sat in the silence and stared at our family of five photos that still hang on the wall above the couch. I imagined my future in just a handful of years, and it scared me. I don’t want to be lonelier than I am now. I hope and pray I have my purpose mostly figured out and implemented before that happens.
When the house is quiet and there’s no distraction from my emotions and thoughts, I’m forced to confront the big fears. I’d rather not. I realize the busyness of mothering my kids has been the engine forcing me forward. What happens when they’re gone? Usually the one day at a time mantra works just fine, but it proves ineffective when the house is empty.
I suppose these thoughts and feelings happen for all parents as their children get closer to flying the nest, but still it’s not quite the same. There’s no rediscovering our marriage hopes and dreams to look forward to. There’s no travel plans or weekly Euchre games with other couples ahead.
I’m afraid of the empty nest. So much of my life has been fulfilled through being a wife and a mother. Those were the best years of my life, actually. And one by one, I feel not any of those things anymore. I mean, yes, I’ll always be their Mom, but they won’t NEED me. That is for sure as it is supposed to be, but who will I be then?
I don’t mean to whine, even though I know this sounds whiney. It’s just where I am this morning: Afraid, sad and curious. It’s the curiosity that will keep me going. It’s also the emotion that faith built. Because I have faith that God really DOES work ALL things for good, I anticipate the future with great interest. I trust Him, but I’m still nervous.
As I get closer to announcing and launching my next big plan for Extra Grace Required (I am so excited to tell you about it! I can hardly wait!), the doubts and fears creep in. During these times, and in those empty house moments, I know I need to cling to God’s TRUTH. If I do that, there’s less room for lies to perpetrate my mind.
No matter what emotions trip me up, no matter what new life changes lie ahead, I have confidence I’ll find my way. I am certain you will, too. We have a God who loves us. He will not abandon us. When the fears, doubts and lonely moments try to overpower our hope and confidence, let’s cling to the truth and remember….we are not alone.
He’s our defender, our champion!
Psalm 68:5-6 (NIV)
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling.
God sets the lonely in families,
he leads out the prisoners with singing;
but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.
He’s our strength, our safety!
Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
He is always with us. We are NOT alone!
Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
These are the truths we cling to so we can squash down the fears that lurk when the house is quiet. THIS is where we find our hope.
Do you know someone who needs this reminder today? If so, please invite them to join us HERE. You can also find me on Facebook, Instagram (Extra Grace Required), Twitter (@extra_grace) and Pinterest.
Extra grace,
Jodi
We never had kids, I went home that night to an empty house and have been in one ever since. It just sucks!
My son died 2 years ago. I found him dead in his bed from a previously unknown heart condition. I couldn’t bear the quiet. I think my TV has been on 24 hours a day since he died. When it is quiet I have time to think. I don’t want to think because I plunge into sadness. The TV is on when I leave my house because I don’t want to come home to silence. My son doesn’t come in the door saying, “Mom, mama, where are you?” Your home will soon be full again. Enjoy
Rejoice. Praying you never find yourself longing for the noise and busyness of a family.
Like you said it’s one day at a time. Good thing the kids don’t usually leave all at once. It’s one at a time as well. My home is quiet. Too quiet when grandchildren come it’s filled with joy and noisyness. I have music on a lot of the time. It fills some of the quietness. Only some of the time. Thank you for your words Jodi.
Jim and I were each others ‘chapter 2’s”. We both have children from our first marriages….all grown with lives and families of their own. With his death, I found myself at the age of 53, to be on my own and by myself for the very first time in my entire life. I miss him. I miss our life. But in some ways I was always somewhat of a loner, so today, on week 89 since his passing…I find I’m ok with the quiet. I have grandchildren nearby to keep this Nana on her toes, but at the end of the day, when I settle in, its with a grateful heart, a glass of wine and Netflix.
I have a son from a previous marriage but he had already flown the nest about 10 years before my husband passed away over 2 1/2 yrs ago. He has now moved across country. I had 2 dogs but have had to have them put to sleep during the last 2 yrs. Yes Empty Nest syndrome STINKS. No matter what, evenings are the worst. Watching a movie by myself is far from appealing. I thought that as we were ready to start our pre-golden years we could do things and go places…cancer killed those dreams. All my friends have either spouses and /or jobs. Only God keeps me sane. As we have all found out…being a widow/widower is Lonely!