Sometimes there are just too many emotions to sort through. When this happens, it isn’t as easy for me to put them into words. It’s overwhelming and I imagine just like many of you, I often stuff it down and ignore it. That isn’t a good look on me.
I know some people who work through an unexpected wildfire of feelings by cleaning or organizing. Yeah, that’s not me. I really wish that was me. Man, my house would be so clean if that’s how I handled a difficult swirl of emotions!
Instead, this is what overwhelmed by feelings looks like on me:
- short-tempered
- unmotivated
- overly sensitive (ok, that’s me all the time)
- insecure
- skip Weight Watchers for a month and eat bad things
- homesick/lonely
Sometimes this comes out of the blue, but this time I know it’s because Father’s Day is tomorrow. Some days the wonderful memories hold my heart together and other times they rip it apart.
The news doesn’t help. I don’t want compassion to be political. It shouldn’t be. I don’t want images of terrified, crying children to be a partisan issue. It shouldn’t be. This stuff weighs on my heart so heavily it’s hard to think about anything else. If caring about those children is wrong, I don’t want to be right. And that’s the truth.
My sadness surrounding Father’s Day is predominantly for my kids. I want them to have their Dad! I would give ANYTHING for them to be able to make their handmade cards, pick out their silly Dad gifts and be able to love him extra tomorrow. I’d give up everything just to allow them the chance to deliver coffee with too much creamer, grounds floating on top, spilling every step of the way to deliver his breakfast in bed. Sometimes I can’t deal with how unfair it feels for them. They were robbed.
I’ve seen what it looks like for kids to lose their Dad. I’ve felt the heartache of witnessing my children’s fears after their father was suddenly ripped from their lives. So, I’m taking news reports a little extra hard. It’s part of the wave of feelings that has knocked me down this Father’s Day. As humans, aren’t we ALL seeking asylum from something? From the pain, sorrow, hurt, dangers and injustices of this life? My response will always be love. And since God IS love, my answer will always be Him.
Psalm 46
1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.[c]
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
7 The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
8 Come and see what the Lord has done,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease
to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the shields[d] with fire.
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
11 The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Right now, everything in this world feels painful to me. It feels vicious. It feels dark and cold. It feels heartbreaking and sometimes it feels hopeless. As a believer, I know it isn’t hopeless of course, but some days, some weeks, it feels that way.
I don’t claim to have all the answers. I don’t claim to be in the right all the time. (I smiled writing that because I KNOW what my husband would’ve said in response to that one – ha!) But I do want to be a champion for love in this world. I desire to not only look to God for relief and strength, but to point others to Him for refuge as well.
I don’t believe there’s any other way to combat evil, sadness, pain and loneliness than more love, more giving, and more compassion. And I believe we were created to do that. If we were created in God’s image, then we have it in us to BE love! Because GOD IS LOVE!
1 John 4:7-21 (NIV)
7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
13 This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. 14 And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. 16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 17 This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. 18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
19 We love because he first loved us. 20 Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. 21 And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.
Love isn’t always easy for us. Love is work and sacrifice sometimes. But it is always worth it. If it’s love, than it’s a reflection of God.
In effort to climb out of this Father’s Day funk I’m in, I’m trying to focus on the good. I said trying. I have not one, but TWO 93 year old Grandpas whom I talk to regularly. They are treasures to me.
And I have a loving Father-in-Law who I don’t get to see nearly enough.
and my very own Dad too. He visited last weekend and it felt so good to spend that time together. I’m thankful for these things.
I’ll spend Father’s Day with memories of the Dads no longer here and celebrate the Grandpas and Dads I still get to hold.
And I’ll do my best to respond to all my emotions with love. That’s the best we can do. And extra grace for if our best doesn’t measure up to expectations.
Thinking of you all this Father’s Day. I know it holds a mix of emotions for each of you, too. But if we lead with love and grace, we’ll be ok. God is our refuge and strength and He is LOVE.
Extra grace,
Jodi
Yes, Father’s Day is a hard one for those of us that have lost our fathers and husbands. I seem to find the time leading up to the holidays, anniversaries of wedding, passing etc to be harder then the actual day. I too have been struggling lately and when I get really down, I can hear my husband’s voice telling me to get busy, stay busy. I usually head to clean the same closet each time I hear his voice. I should have a spotless house by now but actually just have a really clean closet!
I do many of your responses too as I don’t always feel up to listening to that voice and then I beat myself up for wasting time, eating too much or not accomplishing enough. 😫 Seven and a half years after losing my husband I still have those days,..weeks.
God Bless you and your children today and tomorrow. My own kids still miss their Dad & Father’s Day is melancholy at times but full of loving memories at others.
Jodi,
I read your heartfelt message regarding Father’s Day emotions! Father’s Day is not the same for us, missing our special father’s. I still have my husband and so thankful for that! I can’t imagine the pain and sorrow in your heart during this particular holiday not only for you but also your children. Tanya and Tucker were in the Black Hills this Father’s Day weekend but they surprised us by stopping by on thier way home for a brief few minutes. Tucker’s nephew was also with them, the nephew is a triplet. He has two sisters! Jesse called and left a message but we were out feeding cattle. It was a quiet day for us, I took Lynn to our local cafe for lunch after church. I think of you often! I hope you have a nice week with many happy moments. Give the kids a hug from me. Take care Jodi! Love, Karen
P.S. My sister, Jo and I flew to TX to see my brother and his wife on June 6th, I took a quilt to his wife, we had a grand five days that just flew by. Jeff is doing better with the Guillan Burre, he is walking without a cane now so happy for that. He still has tingling in his limbs and nose, he says his feet feel like he is walking on sponges. He has not been able to work and consequently his job has been taken by another, things he can no longer do. I continue to pray for further healing. It sure was hot there, but being able to see him made all the difference. It was a year April 30th, so it has been a long haul for him.