I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the pain that brought us together here. For most of us, it was the death of a loved one, but I know there are also people here hurting in other ways. The truth is, so many different things can cause grief! The circumstances don’t have to be the same for us to encourage, empathize and UNDERSTAND one another. We are all in this life together and life can cause a lot of pain. I’ve experienced it first hand, multiple times in multiple ways in my 46 years, as I’m sure you have too. The more life we’ve lived, the more pain we’ve endured. Although the causes of our pain vary, the pain we feel is so similar, isn’t it? Once you “boil the fat off,” a broken heart is a broken heart, no matter which specific sledge hammer crushed it, right?
It’s normal tendency to want to segregate pain, I suppose, but I think we’d be better if we tried not to do that. My pain from the death of my husband is different than someone experiencing grief from a divorce, but does that make his or her pain less important? Less real? And I don’t have to have personally experienced the loss of a child, a terrible illness, job loss, addiction, etc. to empathize with people fighting those battles.
Although I mostly write about my experiences trying to move forward after losing my husband, I know there are others here suffering other types of losses. I want you to know you are welcome here! You are loved here! And I pray you are comforted and encouraged here. Not just by me, but by God’s word, and by each other.
My heartache is no more important to God than whatever it is you are grieving. But when wounds feel SO deep and SO painful it can sometimes be hard to imagine a different kind of agony feeling equally bad.
But in this space, I hope there is an overall comfort in knowing you are not alone. My type of grief doesn’t matter more than your grief because it all matters!
There are certainly differences in the type of professional care we may need depending on what the source of the pain is though. There’s a reason there are caregiver support groups, divorce care groups, addiction groups, bereavement classes, etc. and not just one big ‘ole broken hearts club.
At Extra Grace Required, I want you to know you are ALL welcome. I may not write about divorce, stillbirth, addiction or other life altering pain & grief inducers, because these things aren’t my experience. But when I talk about my own grief, my own challenges, my own faith, my own joy-seeking journey and if you understand even a little of it? Then you are welcome here. My grief is not greater than your grief. It’s just different.
I want you all to know you aren’t alone, no matter WHAT led you here. I’m 100% sure God cares about all our broken hearts equally. There’s no hierarchy of suffering. Job’s pain mattered as much to God as yours and mine.
God’s love, mercy, and His EXTRA GRACE– it’s for ALL of us. Not just the widows and widowers, but ALL of us.
We mourners need to stick together! We can encourage one another, love one another, console one another and pray for one another regardless of the uniquely individual cause of our tears. We are more alike than different, and I don’t know about you, but that feels pretty nice. It’s reassuring and comforting to know we aren’t all alone in our grief. In fact it’s our pain that often makes us so similar to one another, not different.
So, welcome all! Come on in and stay with us. Continue loving one another the way I’ve witnessed you doing. You are important and your sorrow matters. You guys are beautiful and I’m so grateful for each of you.
Extra grace,
Jodi
as always you never disappoint…another beautiful and insightful post…grief is grief ..oxoxo
Such wise words, Jodi. Thank you for the reminder. God loves all of us, no matter what we are grieving or going through. We need to do the same!
Beautiful explanation of grief and how our hearts hurt for all those who grieve. When we love big, we grieve big as well and although I too grieve for my dear husband, I respect all grief. I think the one thing we all share, is God helping us through it. He is so faithful.
I don’t know how I found your blog but I did and I do appreciate the things you share. I can’t always relate to everything you experience but much of your experience and your thoughts and expressions I do. I have lost my husband too.. not quite two years. .. it has been an agonizing experience. I recently realized I just didn’t know how to move forward from where I find myself now. I can see parts of my future but I can not seem to bridge the space between death and loss to my future without my husband . So I asked for help. It was hard to do because I always saw myself as capable… and self reliant. But I have been miserable. So I have seen a counselor once.. and he said I had complicated grief. That is a new reference for me. I can only hope and pray he can help.. thanks so much for your encouragement.
Thank you for today’s message!! As a divorcee, I have often thought of myself as a woman with a big scarlet “D” on my back for all to “tsk, tsk” at. A widow is sociably acceptable, but a divorcee is broken, unwanted merchandise. She was unable to keep her marriage intact. Even in (or sometimes especially in!) the Christian community. We are left to fend for ourselves. Add to that the loss of the eldest of three sons and the loneliness pain can be crippling. I am not the only one, I know. The Lord has watched over me and protected me and blessed me in many, many ways in the years of loneliness. But, thank you for the consideration of those of us in pain, yet, not a widow.