To some, it may seem like I’m slaying widowhood, but I want you to know something. Every single day I feel like I can’t do this without him. I struggle with some of the new tasks I’m now forced to handle alone. Things that he could have done in minutes take me days. Almost daily there are moments that sneak up on me and cause my heart to sink. Often, although not every day, I still cry.
I may seem like I am 99% hope and joy and faith, but there’s still a powerful fraction of fear, despair, sadness, worry and anxiety that battles for control. I’m determined though. I WILL be ok. I WILL NOT let these things steal the beauty of this life from me.
So, although I’m no shining example of “getting over it,” I do hope to demonstrate “getting through it.” I may lose my patience with the kids more than before, my house may be WAY messier than ever before, my budget may be smaller than before and I may sometimes feel lonelier than before, but do you know what? I am STRONGER than before, too.
I’ve had to rely on God more than before, which has been the rainbow after this terrible storm. I’ve had to trust Him more, talk to Him more, and study and soak in His words more. And in needing Him MORE, I have become more. More determined, more empathetic, more grateful, more in tune with the beauty He’s created. And I’ve grown more eager for Him.
Life is full of snares. I can’t promise you’ll never experience pain and hurt, or that if you already have, that you won’t again. But I can tell you with confidence that although life can be brutal, it is also breathtakingly beautiful. Drawing closer to God has not erased my grief, but He has comforted me in it. Loving Him has not eradicated suffering in this life, but it has been a source of hope and my sustenance in living through it. This world, this life, these current times – RIDDLED with problems. Plagued with pain and suffering, greed and hatred, selfishness and corruption. But WE HAVE HOPE!!! This, is not where it ends.
God is with us, friends! He is bigger than our problems and His love is greater than any evil we could possibly encounter. He is!
When we are in pain…. He is comforter and healer.
When we worry…He is reassurance.
When we’ve been betrayed…He is just.
When we are overwhelmed…He is sovereign.
When we sin…He is full of grace.
When we are weak…He is strong.
When we worry and have doubt…He is faithful.
When we feel alone…He is Emmanuel (God WITH US)
When our whole world has turned upside down and everything has changed…He is the same yesterday, today and forever.
When we feel vulnerable…He is protector.
When we have questions…He is our answer.
When we fail…He is merciful.
When we feel hopeless…He encourages.
Wherever we are and whatever we need…He is there.
GOD. IS. LOVE.
So, I’m telling you, I know this is hard. Every day it’s hard! But we are NOT alone. God is with us and He’s in our corner. And because of that, we are going to make it!!
Extra grace,
Jodi
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Hi Jodi, I to lost my husband, exactly 14 months 18 daysago Is it easier, I guess you could say I am coping. Like you some days are easier than others. It was sudden a man never sick struck down in his sleep. In a hotel in Kansas half way to my daughters house in Colorado. I was totally by myself. He was a retired firefighter and rescue. I believed when the rescue squad arrived everything would be fine he had saved so many people from near death, they would be able to save him. I still question that fact that they could not bring him back WHY? I remember saying to the priest at the hospital I have no bitterness to God he gave us a wonderful life for Fortyeight years., forty-two of them married. We had three healthy beautiful children who are a productive asset to our society. Why I said that I do not know to this day…. I miss him every minute but I cannot find myself leaning on God. It isn’t in my chemistry. I have had to do stuff I never dreamed of things around the house and other things. Do I get discouraged, I sure do. That said, I feel God gave me a brain and I need to use that gift not fall back and wait for the answer to drop from heaven. Don’t get me wrong I am a very spiritual person but I think today’s society leans too much on what God can do for us. Our strength comes from within us, you do not seem to give yourself enough credit for all you have accomplished since your husband has passed. I hope you do not take this as a negative comment it is not meant to be. Just a different way I am trying to get through it all. May you find joy once again along with your happy someday.
Your words resonate so deeply within my heart. Blessings to you. I would love to meet you someday. If not this side of glory, for sure on the other side!
Jodi, I know exactly how you feel….I too have grown so much closer to Our Lord since my husband passed away. He is who keeps me going & appreciating everything life still has to offer. Keep up the good work, really enjoy your blog!
Thank you so much for sharing your heart. So many are experiencing many of the same feelings and struggles. It helps to know we are not the only ones. I look forward to all of your writings.
Jodi, I have a sister in law and Avery good friend who are widows too. I don’t know how to share this with them. How do I do that?
A very