Questioning God

I wonder if we were all honest about it, would we find people walking through suffering or loss that DIDN’T question God? Like ever? If they are out there, well then they’re sure different than I am.

Through single parenting (the first time AND this time), my husband’s degenerative neurological disease, and eventually grief over his death, I’ve questioned God a lot. It’s true that each time I question, I’m actually wrestling with my own belief that God is who He says He is and that He can do what He says He can do. Does that make me a terrible Christian? Well, it makes me human anyway.

It makes me a pretty typical person (I think?) who loves God, but in pain is searching for more palpable explanations. An imperfect person pleading for an end to all the things that feel terrible. An ordinary woman seeking answers that better suit my plans. Suffering can draw us closer to God, for sure, but I believe it’s the questions that eventually lead me to trusting Him more. Unwavering faith sounds amazing (#goals)….but I’ve never possessed it completely. I always end up at trust, but I have a lot of questions along the way there.

My kids are often (usually) skeptical of my judgment. There are usually 100 questions that precede just doing what I said already! It’s annoying. But it doesn’t make me love them any less! It doesn’t make me want to wish suffering upon them! So why don’t they trust me? Why don’t they just realize I know what I’m doing here and there’s always a reason behind what I’ve asked them to do! Why don’t they remember they are so precious to me and I’d give my life to save theirs!

Wait a minute… (GULP.)

I think I get it now.

I also understand that their questions aren’t usually defiance or disobedience, but a search for greater understanding. They want to know WHY. I’m often the same when it comes to the things God asks of me. My questions are a result of wanting to understand. I believe Him, I trust Him…but I want to know WHY.

God knew we’d have questions, don’t you think? I mean, look how many examples He gave us! And from some of the people He called to do really hard things! These examples, coupled with the number of times He tells us to not be afraid, to trust him and to not worry. And so much reassurance He gives us of how much we matter to Him. It should be enough…but I ask him more questions anyway.

I’m not alone with all my questions. Here are just a few Biblical examples:

There’s Moses. Exodus 3:11

¹But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”

I imagine God as a parent sometimes – Just do what I say! Trust me, Jodi! But thankfully He’s so much more than a parent, He’s so much more than I am. He’s patient with our annoying questions and our endless doubts. I think He knows obedience is hard for us. He’s the God who pours out Extra Grace for all of his annoying kids who require it. I’m so thankful for that!!

But wait, there’s more! It wasn’t just Moses!

Elijah. I Kings 17:20

Then he cried out to the Lord, “Lord my God, have you brought tragedy even on this widow I am staying with, by causing her son to die?”

Questioning God’s plan…God’s goodness…trying to understand the unfairness of this world.

Job. Job gets an entire book! Job 10:18

“Why then did you bring me out of the womb?
I wish I had died before any eye saw me.

And in Job 13:24

“Why do you hide your face
and consider me your enemy?”

Oh, Job! We soooo get you!!

And then there’s David. Psalm 10:1

“Why, Lord, do you stand far off?
Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?”

And Psalm 13:1-2

“How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?”

Jeremiah had questions and complaints too. Jeremiah 12:1

“You are always righteous, Lord,
when I bring a case before you.
Yet I would speak with you about your justice:
Why does the way of the wicked prosper?
Why do all the faithless live at ease?”

And Jesus, God in human form.

Matthew 27:45-46 The Message (MSG)

^45-46 From noon to three, the whole earth was dark. Around midafternoon Jesus groaned out of the depths, crying loudly, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” which means, “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?”

We know Jesus understood the WHY, but at the climax of his suffering, he asked the question anyway. Some say he asked this to point us back to what Psalm 22:1 says. That he proclaims this on the cross to signify the fulfillment of that Psalm. I don’t know because I’m not an actual theologian. But it seems to me if Jesus was God in human form, then how very human would it be to cry out with a desperate Where are you God?! in the midst of agonizing torture and undeserved suffering?

My point is this. I think questioning God, especially in times of trouble, is pretty normal. If you’re like me, seeking answers to all my questions usually ends up strengthening my faith in God. I may not end up with all the answers I want, but I end up feeling more comfortable trusting Him. And that’s a good thing.

God can handle our questions. He’s used to it. He has grace for our childish hissy fits and our impatient and strong-willed tantrums. He has a forever view and we are nearly blind with near sightedness. His patience is remarkable and His love completely and totally undeserved. What an awesome God!

Extra Grace,

Jodi