I’m going to let you in on my writing process. That sounds professional and legit, doesn’t it? (I am neither, really). When I started writing a year and a half or so ago, I had plans to write every single day. I was certain this would provide me with a stockpile of essays I could schedule to publish at a later date. I was pleased with the organization of this idea. I was proud of my plan.
I quickly learned this wasn’t going to work at all. Pre-writing posts made my life easier, but they lacked the vulnerability and authenticity that makes my voice MY VOICE. Soon I learned I had to be patient and wait for something to just settle in heavy on my heart. Once that happened, it was my cue to write it. This has allowed me to show you who I really am, what I’m really feeling and going through in real-time. It is honest and I believe, the messages I’m supposed to share, WHEN I’m supposed to share them.
There is a downside to this technique though. It involves more faith than I often feel. Although it’s true I am not an overly organized person, I do like some order, and the illusion of security a plan provides. It’s hard to have no idea what I might write next. And then sometimes there are weeks like this last one, where the thoughts on my heart aren’t meant for you. I’ve tried to be obedient with that, too. If there’s nothing to say, I say nothing, even though I want to and feel like I should. I just want you all to know if you’re not hearing from me, that’s probably what’s going on. Sometimes there may be a lapse in posts because I think I’m supposed to be silent…be still…listen and seek.
Other times He puts something heavy on my heart and I attempt to write about it. I study Scripture and go down deep researching context and trying to decipher what God meant when He said X, Y or Z. Sometimes those Bible expeditions result in 23 rough drafts that were just meant for me.
(Mental note – put a friend or relative in charge of deleting my DRAFTS folder when I die. Must be different friend than the one in charge of cleaning my house before people arrive).
This was the case this week. I’ve been writing, researching, thinking and praying. I’ve been venting to friends, talking with people I trust and writing some more. But after all of that, it looks like this one was meant for only me.
Trust me; be glad this week’s heart topic didn’t find it’s way to you. It was a doozie. The seeking, study and hand wringing I did this week didn’t result in anything publishable. This exercise is beyond frustrating, but at least it’s usually personally helpful.
Want to know what the topic was? The subject matter for which you’ve been spared? It was about being unified as “the church.” What does that mean exactly? Am I allowed to have a different opinion than fellow believers? How do we get back to respectful debate? How do we love each other by listening…actually listening to one another? How has questioning theology become something some might call heretic versus a healthy and normal part of our spiritual growth? Has everything in Christianity always been political? (pretty much). And ultimately, a grief trigger because I sure do miss the man who understood my heart even when we disagreed.
Whoa, right? Yep – not gonna write about that…at least not now. As hard as I try to ignore these types of things that gnaw at me, I can’t. So I needed to look into it, research it, see what God has to say about it, study the context of the passages, try to write out my opinions and then check my pride and desire to be understood at the door. (Also my need to be right). In the end, I don’t have a solution, only more questions. I hate it when that happens. And I hate it when I learn less than awesome things about myself in the process.
Maybe soon there will be something different on my heart. (Please?!) Maybe whatever that is will be something I’m supposed to share with you. In the meantime, I’ll keep working on me and trust there will be more I can share with you very soon. I hope you’ll stick around. There’s bound to be more coming soon.
*Weight Watchers update: I just started week 4. Total weight loss: 12.8 lbs. I’m not hungry, but I do crave cake. Chocolate cake. With chocolate frosting. It’s not worth the points, but I want it bad.
Extra grace?
Jodi
When I post again, be sure you don’t miss it! SUBSCRIBE today!
Thanks you for sharing your
Authentic self. Always trust what God is telling you. ❤️
You speak to my heart girl❤️
https://youtu.be/mpVga-b0NqU
Restlessness and questioning is not necessarily bad. He may be t tying to tell you there is more for you somewhere else.. you are ready for it now. Keep searching and please keep expressing your innermost thoughts and feelings. You put into words what many of us feel but struggle to be able to articulate. You validate us💕
Joey, it is impossible to eat too much dark chocolate. Here”s an excerpt from the Nature paper by Mauro Serafini and colleagues from 2003. “There is some speculation that dietary flavonoids from chocolate, in particular (−)epicatechin, may promote cardiovascular health as a result of direct antioxidant effects or through antithrombotic mechanisms. Here we show that consumption of plain, dark chocolate results in an increase in both the total antioxidant capacity and the (−)epicatechin content of blood plasma, but that these effects are markedly reduced when the chocolate is consumed with milk or if milk is incorporated as milk chocolate. Our findings indicate that milk may interfere with the absorption of antioxidants from chocolate in vivo and may therefore negate the potential health benefits that can be derived from eating moderate amounts of dark chocolate. That pretty definitively answers the question as to which is better: dark (yes) or milk (no).