Every day I battle the “what-ifs.” I always have, but more so after my husband died. It’s fear and anxiety in the form of the what if. What if I get sick? Who will take care of me? Who will raise the kids? What if the car breaks down? What if we can’t afford a new one? What if growing up without a Dad ruins the kids long-term? What if, what if, what if.
Recently, my mind was swirling with a case of the what ifs concerning this blog, writing and being super vulnerable with all of you. What if I’m being too vulnerable? What if exposing every piece of my heart hurts me? What if I’m sent to slaughter for something I say?
And then my thoughts changed. Because here’s the thing about the what ifs – they can go the other way, too. What if I try to author a book and I succeed? What if I write something and it helps someone feel less alone? What if I put myself out there and it encourages someone? What if exposing my pain, my struggles, my life after loss unveils the purpose God has for me? What if?!
My challenge for myself – for all of us – is to turn the what ifs into possibilities instead of fears. Dreams instead of dooms. A dare instead of a detriment. Because….WHAT IF?!
Let’s do and think big. Let’s grow excited about what God has planned for us, confident that He will “make all things work together for the good of those who love him.” Let’s remember we are strong, because we are surviving, despite grief and loss and disappointment. There’s purpose and promise ahead if we recognize the bravery already inside of us.
What if we believe that there are good things coming? What are you waiting for? Go chase your dream – because… what if you succeed?
Extra grace,
Jodi
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Jodi,
I love that positive note “What if I Succeed”! It says everything! I decided to remain positive and continue with my first cousin picnic/reunion despite all the challenges I face right now. I didn’t want to disappoint all the cousins that are planning to attend and using vacation time. It also gives me a focus each day to stay busy and get through this healing time. I have planned since early February and I would have been so disappointed if I had canceled this! I know all the cousins will pitch in as well as family and so I move forward. Looking to a great time with all these wonderful people. I may not be able to do things like I would have liked to, but will do the best I can despite the situation at hand! Sounds like it will be mighty hot, our church parish hall will be backup. You will succeed Jodi, you have great determination and strength as given by our dear Lord! Thanks for sharing your message with so many others! Love and miss you dear friend, take care and have a wonderful summer! Love, Karen
I encourage you to look into publishing something, I have been enjoying your blog. Please write about your “safe people”, those who encourage you on a daily basis, those who that you can say anything to without judgement. I love mine and they sometimes are all rhat gets me through another day.
When you have a paradigm shift like that, I think you’re healing. Makes me smile.
I don’t do what if any longer. My husband died last year (04/23) after 84 days of finding a mass in his brain. We all change through this grief and one of mine is I make the best decision with what I know at the time and keep going forward. My husband wanted to fight his brain cancer. He did 40 radiation treatments and 30 chemotherapy. The radiation did nothing but sap him of whatever little strength he had. We wouldn’t choose it again but I didn’t know that at the time. I have no regrets with the choices we made together. If we hadn’t done treatment I may have wondered if we should have, maybe it might have helped. Now I live one day at a time. Don’t worry about tomorrow. We don’t know what’s ahead. Maybe more hard things, but maybe good things too. It’s a huge shift for me from the way I used to be. Take care
Hi Marlene,
I found some similarities in our stories of our husbands’ illnesses. My husband also had brain cancer and passed last November. He lived with knowing about it for almost ten years. Had two brain biopsies, two bouts of chemo and two bouts of radiation. Had bad reactions from some meds, contracted viral encephelitis, was in ICU for almost 6 weeks, almost died from that, As he was trying g to get his strength back k, they found more lesions in his brain. The last radiation “treatment” left him paralyzed on one side and wheelchair bound. He definitely wanted to live and endured so much. You are right, it’s one day at a time, Some better than others. I am older – kids are grown and have their own lives. Just don’t know what my purpose is in life anymore.
One of my favorite poems…. words of inspiration concerning “what if” which is rooted in fear, of course.
Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson
it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.
—Marianne Williamson
What if I fall? Oh, darling, what if you fly? Good to be remind to think positively!
What if you connect with someone needing to hear what you Experiences. What if your sharing gives one peace that they aren’t alone .. what if all those responding back with gratitude gives you the blessing to Fly🦋 .
Continue sharing my friend you are blessing many. ❤️
Thank you so much for taking a chance and writing your blog. Because of you, I was able to express myself through my blog (and like you was so afraid of being vulnerable) and it has helped immensely! So thank you, thank you , thank you!